I read your email..seems weird to post a comment when it’s talking about nothing relating to what u posted at ur blog. So..I decided to ans ur mail here..since no one but u has my blog link..

First of all, dun worry, I wun tell anyone anything.. My 8th Nov post is like history liao.. Haiz.. Not cause me troubles la.. Anyway this yr I also not really in contact wif any cchyco peeps alrdy..ever since ur bdae… The most only tok to Hoyin n Zijian abit..n Huiqi txt me abt e NYJC CO concert..which I didnt go cos it seems u n him dun wan other pple ard? Haha.

Okay, lemme go into ur topic b4 I go on abt what I feel.. Well, he doesnt appear to be a controlling person..at least not in front of us.. It depends on what he’s controlling u la.. If say, to make u kick of ur bad habuts, then that’s fine. But if it reaches e extent that it restricts ur freedom to do what u wan, etc. then I think it’s not right le. Yeah I know u like to hang out, dun like stay home alwaz, etc. I dunno y u felt that way last yr..maybe u were afraid I get too close to ur co frens..but anw, it didnt happen..cos Im hardly in touch wif anyone..even my own frens oso..

Well, I could tell u guys do quarrel off n on..though I hardly c u both.. U promised urself u wun cry right? See, it’s not something u can ctrl de..cos crying is way of letting out.. Anyway, ur frens n family can give u advice but ultimately, it’s ur own decision to continue being in e relationship wif him or not. My take on this is..I would suggest u tok to him abt how u feel..then c his reaction.. Try to let him understand what you hav been going through and both of you can talk it out and come to a compromise in e end.. This may not help, but neverthelss, u noe roughlywhat he’s thinking.. N if he cant change hos controlling behaviour, then I think u shld seriously consider what ur family suggested.. If being in a relationship makes u feel miserable, then y continue n make urself suffer?

Well, honestly, I thought you were the one controlling him..that’s e impression..sorry. And sadly, u really neglected e rest of us. It’s not juz me, but tgco peeps, ur seniors n juniors in cchyco oso miss u.. In fact, we kinda thought you both are lost in ur 2-person world.. even zhen lao shi felt that it’s not right u both r drifting frm co n everyone else.. I admit I was kinda disappointed with you esp..cos I felt u changed since u tgt wif him.. U both like 24/7 tgt and I felt like I suddenly lost 2 friends.. But cos of my work problems, and I’m v busy..I slowly began to accept e fact that we all hav drifted n things wun b e same at least for now.. nonetheless, I still regard both of u as my friend..n I nvr 4get u this mei mei..someone whom I’ve doted alot last yr..

Anyway, now that u hav started poly and he has started army.. It’s another phase in ur lives.. Think about how u wanna move on from here.. I wish u all e best in ur studies n hope u can find a way to improve your life situation too.  When I think of anything else, I will type here ba.. Sorry, I am in a hurry to go work le..running late..

<to be continued..>

Life has taken a twist somehow…been quite depressing for me? Not cos I chose to feel so sometimes..but cos of things that happened…things that I thought meant nothing serious. I think Im stressed or troubled by a couple of things: mainly my job search matters, tgccco stuffs, and maybe friendship and family matters. They seem like not much to worry about, but actually there’s quite abit of things I haven’t settled. The most important is still the fact that I’m unemployed. This is really demoralising and depressing. A person studying now wouldnt really understand what I am going through. Its been over 4 months since I’ve stopped working le. It’s a really really long break I would say. And the worst part is, I don’t think I’m enjoying the break? Or even doing anything purposeful? I’ve not taken any holiday (going JB not counted), and have not really been enjoying my free time or upgrading myself in terms of job skills etc. Sianz.  I think I am too unmotivated liao..I need to feel the rush again..the feeling to wanting to achieve things and tune myself back to normal. I’ve been sleeping late again, and sometimes shi mian also. Haiz. Then I have been gorging myself with alot of food, especially junk food. I can like eat one bar of chocolate per day, to make myself  feel ‘happier’. Sometimes I just wonder, like WTH am I doing all these? It’s like I’m being self-destructive. Well, all I know for job search, is I would take up anything I’m offered now. Need to constantly remind myself of the no. of months I’ve been not working, and stress myself to get a job v v soon. My parents have also been stressing me..and I really wished I can start working ASAP and be back to my busy working life. I rather buried myself in work.. I kinda regret rejecting the temp offer I got the other time. And of course, disappointed that I did not get the jobs I really like, out of the interviews I went. It was soooo close, yet I lost it.

Well, the second matter troubling me is CO stuffs. What a headache.. It’s getting sian, having to do this and that for the co. I somehow don’t feel motivated to do so, even though it may not be for tcher but for the members. Sadly, I don’t really feel a thing being part of the CO liao. Maybe cos for a long time, the people I am somewhat closer to, are no longer around every sat I went..except occasionally. The feeling’s so different from 1 year ago..when everyone’s still around, when I wasn’t in the committee..when we still enjoy playing co music together, and don’t really bother about Mr L. The bonds are like no longer there..the CO spilt into even smaller cliques..and I solely just stick with my closest friend in co. I don’t know lar..I just feel sick of having to plan or think about things for the CO. And sometimes, due to unforseen circumstances, what I did will just kinda go to waste. It’s really sianz. I know need to adapt to changes, but I just don’t really like the feeling. Anw, now that there’s no GMH, it’s also good in a way..just need to find scores for Xmas songs, ask people come back help, etc. The only other headache is that I don’t wanna be the one taking over WX…and even if I take over, I don’t think I can find a suitable assistant out of the people I cAn select from. I don’t see myself working well with any of them. I rather not take up anything, and let someone else handle. It’s quite obvious that some people are closer to more people in the CO and I think they would b a better representative of the CO, though they may be younger in age to maybe handle or know how some things work. Seemingly, the only viable solution (as suggested by a few people), is to quit the CO. Maybe not quit totally..but I can take leave and don’t appear so often. Given the things Mr L said to me yesterday, there was no way I could just reject his appointment over the phone there and then. Now I am actually even more trapped and not sure how to kai kou to bring up the subject again. In his mind, it’s like fixed that no one else can be a better candidate le. I thank him for thinking that I can do it, but I just don’t wish to. My parents, esp my dad, will be so against it. CO is a leisure activity..something that I use to escape from the other troubles of my life..yet now I’m feeling it’s giving me troubles.. I still wanna continue..wanna really learn and improve my skills, wanna enjoy playing CO music with pple I know, wanna play songs that I enjoy hearing on my mp3.. Well, I just hope, I will be able to have a clear mind and put an end to the CO matters soon. I’m quite worried, that on the 17 nov during the ccg mtg, I might already be in trouble and can’t escape taking up the appointment liao.. I must find a way to deal with it soon! Wish me luck man… As for the upcoming 26 dec performance, I think everything would go well eventually. Thx alot to E who’s doing his best to bring everyone back together! I’m sorry, I can’t be around last nite..will make up to you de. Am glad he was really surprised and he had fun with them.

Anyway, besides the above, I didn’t thought there would be much other things to deal with.. Until recently..including last nite’s conversation, made me really down. I thought it was nothing..just hanging out with another bunch of people that I knew this year..just being entertained by them cos they are really funny people..but I was wrong somehow? I didn’t meant to intrude into anyone’s privacy, didn’t meant to know things I shouldn’t know..But rest assured I won’t spread things about ur CO etc to other pple or wat.. Even if I hear anything, also doesn’t matter..cos I won’t remember much and I won’t do anything also la. Actually, I have only hanged out with a bigger bunch for thrice or so? Usu the meals I had at yishun are like with you or 2-3 people only..and not like the whole grp of them..and e only time I tot was really not convenient was coincidentally e day JH was down too..I did say I can go off when I met ZK n knew abt it..but I was assured it’s alright..n so I didn’t go off. Haiz, I don’t know lar.. Why must things seem so complicated when it’s just so simple? It’s just being with the gang of people occasionally..it’s not like everytime I am around.. I just hope no one thinks too much.. To me, it’s just nothing la.. But no matter what happens, I’m still thankful to have met them and shared some moments with them.  And if you happen to read this, don’t think too much. I’m sorry to have caused some stress to you for this matter. All I can say is, just settle your matters one by one..if you believe you can do it, you will! Life’s not just about you making people happy..Most importantly you gotta be happy la.. I know sometimes you may be like caught in the middle..but really, it’s never possible to please everyone de. I still hope you’ll b yourself and not let whatever what people may think/say affect you (becos I feel you have been affected le, though you said you’re not). I know I’m not from your sch’s co and thus like ‘outcaste’..but really I don’t mean any harm and certainly don’t want anything bad to happen. I know you may somewhat feel ‘threatened’ when I get to know your this group of friends better, and you probably wished I never knew them liao. Somehow it felt that you were like excited for me to know them many months back, but after I know them, things somehow changed?  Haiz. Anyway, I won’t always be seeing you and you still have time with your CO friends..so don’t worry k? And no matter what, they’re still your close friends and I’m just someone else that they know is your good friend and sometimes join in only.. I may be friends with some of them, but I still don’t know them well. So yeah, don’t think too much ba..and don’t be stress about such things..not worth spending time to be stress abt de. I rather you spend your time to stress on other things…like your studies, upcoming performances etc. Of course, best is not to overstress about things la..else life will be xin ku. Sometimes you don’t really need to do anything, let things develop naturally, and all things are somehow resolved in the end. So jiayou ba! I have faith that you guys have what it takes to put up the best performance on 20 Dec.

Well, somehow there are still things I am troubled about.. that has been causing me to be stressed subconsciously.. Like the telemktg job I have taken up ard 2 weeks ago.. It’s just a job I took up cos I can’t bear to jian si bu jiu..since C can’t find pple to work for e projs she have on hand..and also to earn some $ since my savings are drying up.. Somehow this time, things are not so smooth for me le. The previous 2 events I did in July-Aug period, the responses are much better. I think it has got to do with the topic of the presentation too. But somehow I would stress myself when I don’t meet the targets I set for myself. The no. of registrations I got are miserable..only 7 out of 8.5 days I worked. It’s the worst project I have ever done..and I know this is bad for L and C too.. but they too busy with other projs to care about such things le. Haiz. I still tink the database I was calling is the wrong target audience for the event. Plus, the client didn’t check through and anyhow blast out the emailer (to even to their competitor, which of course I shouldnt call). Quite screwed up la..and tomorrow I still gotta follow up the calls for half a day. Jiayou to myself! Hopefully the next event I am assisting the other telemarketer with, will be better. *pray hard*

Anyway, on a happier note, I think I’ve enjoyed watching RP’s band performance last night. Thanks to some of the infectious tunes they played! The percussion people are good..they bring live to the band! Some parts are like really cool, make you wanna dance along with the music played..I like that feeling sia. It’s nice seeing her bro on stage..seeing him playing the clarinet and swaying with the music..  Haha..the funniest part of the concert was the ending when they performed for the conductor..that was hilarious and certainty added more hyped to the concert. On the whole, the second half seems more entertaining.. I really like pieces like Jericho, Japanese Graffiti XIV etc. It was great to be at a band performance, after like 6 years? I think it was 2003 that I went to the first band performance out of school.. Haha. Am glad to have spent the night together..though I may not really know how to appreciate band music too..but it’s still an experience! I guess it’s always good to watch performances and be inspired by the performers or just simply immerse into the music they are playing and enjoy onself. So I shall look forward to watching the upcoming performances by others and my friends..and learn to totally unwind when I’m out…

Alright, I think I shall end here.. Took quite a long time typing this post cos I was msging E at the same time..and also slacking quite abit. Must chiong liao! Just hope all things will get better..not just for me..but everyone else that i know.  Anyway, good luck to those having exams! Take care everyone.

~ 让我们期待着明天会更好~

Well, i’s gonna b e end of e 3rd month I’m unemployed. I’m sian about not working and sometimes I just really feel like giving up liao. It’s like, I’ve been unemployed for sooooo long that it’s making me feel even more negative about myself and my life ahead. Sometimes, I just brokedown at home..when I’m all alone in my room..when the thoughts just flow in my head… I know I should hang on and look on the bright side, but sometimes, I just can’t hold it. Somehow it’s like a torturous journey I’m going through and I don’t see any glimpse of hope. Somehow I feel so useless..feel as if I’m good at nothing and no job seems suitable for me? Haiz. I should abandon all these thoughts..hopefully soon! Haha..and I hope things at CO will be better. Somehow I feel lost..I’m given responsibilities but I don’t know where to begin, how best to execute them.. And cos friends that I’m closer with are like not really around these days, it just makes me dread going to CO. Not that I wanna give up practicing anymore, but just feel sianz. I’ve lost the motivation and drive I have in life and vision blurred by the tears occasionally in my eyes. Haha. Hopefully I will pick myself up soon. Fall down liao must stand up by myself!

Anyway, tomorrow I have an interview at 3M..but it’s freaking far..at Tuas! It’ll take me around an hour plus I guess. See how it goes. The job scope seems sucky..but maybe I really gotta start frm the bottom level? If it pays e same as my last job, I guess I can still take it, if I’m offered the job. Though actually, I’m downgrading myself to the level of a poly grad to accept such a position. Haiz. I don’t know how desperate I should get. But anyway I shouldn’t think so much now. Though somehow I’m kinda affected by a line said to me: “How come you like went for so many interviews, but nothing happens.”.. Haha. Yeah, maybe I just suck at interviews. Cant believe I got an A for the interview section of my module in Uni some years ago. There doesn’t seem like any interview I went, I’m totally comfortable, not nervous and can chat with the interviewer like a new friend I’ve known. Somehow no chemistry I guess. Haiz. Don’t know lar. It’s quite depressing to hear this from a close friend. Yet, it reminds me of how unprepared I am for interviews, knocking some sense into me that I need to find some way to improve or I will get nowhere. I really pray and hope that I can get a job by end of Oct. Else, my life is screwed. Nov n Dec r e hardest months to get a job, cos everyone staying put for their bonuses. Also, my savings are depleting, esp when I am paying my education loan these few months as well. Maybe I should hibernate at home and not meet people anymore. Haha..though I’m sure I’ll b super sianz. Cos..i need to hav pple ard me… I guess one thing I afraid of is lonliness…

Oh well, really enuff of all those depressing and unpleasant thoughts and stuffs that are inflitrating my mind every now and then. I must stay positive! Jiayou, Eileen! On this note, would like to say jiayou to Gab and PJ as well! Let’s hope we’ll achieve what we want in time to come. Take care everyone!

♫ 有梦 就会实现… ♫

Well, I have lots of tots running through my head these few days but I guess I won’t be able to blog it out le (cos I 4get them le :p). Somehow I’m feeling kinda sianz now..and abit in e mood swing syndrom.  Anyway, 2dae is my last day of work le.. I dunno if I’ve done e right thing, to stop working now. I noe Clar has enuff resources, so can ask ppl to replace me for e proj we’re doing. Actually, my list oso nothing much left..juz a few calls I cant make frm home..unless add on new lists. For SC’s case, hers got quite abit to follow up. Haha I got a headache cleaning up her data for handover to e next person. I realised, some ppl really cannot do certain kind of tasks. Anw, I’m satisfied with mine and really thankful for e uncle who agreed to register for e event next wed! Haha..though I kinda forced him to make up his mind..so tat I can hv 1 reg 2dae.. :p Overall, I’m still glad I got quite a no. of regs for tis 3 weeks working on this proj.. Hope e events go well n e client wun complaint nowadays no reg le.. Anyway, I’m quite vexed of tis job thingy.. I wanted quit long ago but continued cos Clar asked me to work a little longer, n even let me worked from home for 4 days. But now tat I finally quit, I feel as if I shldnt hav done so. Actually, I oso dunno if I will b able to get a job soon. Somehow NO motivation in me to continue e job hunt le.. It’s kidna depressing..i’ve been jobless for slightly over 1.5 mths le..n it doesnt look like I’m employable..like I lack sth which I can’t really tell.. Argh!

Oh well, this matter aside, I rem what my junior told me last nite.. He said I saw everything about him le.. lol. He meant his academic stuffs la..like his assignments, his resume, his unoffical transcript, etc. It started off wif me editing his resume, according to him. This reminds me of how time flies! Today was e 3rd time I wished him Happy B’dae le..cos we known each other during 07 summer holidays..frm e time we worked on e UV mag n he was e designer for e article im in charged of.. I still rem he mistook me for another gal of e same name in our cca, n we smsed each other until finally decided to exchanged msn to save $! Lol. Back then, we talked almost every nite, sometimes we used skype oso. He was there when my closer frens went xchange tat term.. After tat term n esp aft I grad, we kinda drew apart, but we’re still in touch. I guess we shld b thankful for e help we provided each other over e yrs.. Haha.. Off and on, he wld still come to me for advice, etc. I still rem he used to gimme nicknames like ‘HR Queen’ etc. Lol. N so fast, now he yr 4 liao! N i’m a jobless grad.. Haha.. Somehow though we’re actually e same age, I feel older. I think most gals feel e same way, when comparing with their male frens. I guess it’s cos females start work earlier than males (thks to NS who delayed them). And somehow tis kinda affects e way pple of e same age think etc. But mainly, I juz feel oLd! Esp when I think of my dear PJ is 8 yrs younger..I feel even older sia. Haha.. Nevertheless, I think sometimes age is juz a number.. Just like making frens, u dunnit see age to judge if a person can be ur fren. Many things oso likewise. E.g. e work quality of a younger person may not necessarily be lousier than a person older in age. So yup, we shld put age aside sometimes and we’ll see things in different perspectives…

Anyway, I guess I shld stop writing here le..alrdy dunno wat i’m drifting to..like writing nonsense le..  Maybe my headache is getting to me.. Better get some tasks in my to-do-list done b4 I sleep tonite.. Take care everyone!

Out of wanting to vent my frustration, and that blogger is down, I decided to open this new blog. Random huh? Yeah, I think sometimes I do things really spontaneously, yet sometimes I think for very long and hesitate before doing something. I think I am really extreme! :p

Oh well, this aside. I wanted to vent out something… I’m perhaps just feeling stress about happennings in my life. I so wanna cry out and I feel so miserable. My parents are really getting on my nerves. My dad and mum both nagging about me not getting a job. It just makes me so unmotivated to even find a proper job now. I don’t want to just anyhow do a job I am not interested in (but for the $) or do something short term and continue from there. I don’t think I can afford to walk one step, see one step (the chinese saying). I know I have wasted some time liao. But if I wanna continue in HR line, I better do something relevant at least? Why must I work in XXX organisation just cos alot of graduates go there and they are earning more than my pathetic $7/hr temp job now? I mean this telemktg temp job, I don’t intend to work for long. In fact, my motivation for this job is already dying off. I just want to finish it off nicely, that’s all. Worse, on top of this job worry, I have to bear with the 12.30am bedtime curfew. Yes, I fell asleep last night and only 2.30am then go to my sis’s room to my bed for a proper sleep. I am nOt giving excuses k? Believe it or not. WTH. Must rules be followed sooo strictly? Can’t he be more flexible? My dad’s really super traditional and I really hate his way of thinking and doing things. No way am I gonna match-make he and my mum, no way am I going on a holiday trip with him alone. I rather be busy with work than go on a trip with him.

Yeah, I think cos of all these, I am feeling damn miserable.. I feel as if I’ve lost my life…can’t do what I wanna do, can’t do things I want it to be. I wish I could rebel. But how? My dad’s one violent person (though I think I can be as violent one day) and super unreasonable. I can’t just move out now. There are only a few ways: 1) To bear with everything, 2) Get attached and get married soon, 3) Save up to buy a house when I’m 35 years old and move out, 4) Rent a place to stay in time to come and move out. But it’s not easy to move out..not unless my dad is super ill or not around on earth. I could be killed for even having such thoughts.

Anyway, I guess I vent out what I wanna say le. I gotta get back to job hunting stuffs and make some applications before 12.30am is here again. Hang on, Eileen! You can do it! And take care everyone.